your parents love me but you hate me
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
