Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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