I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
i believe in u and ur pee
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
