Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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