Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
