How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
two words...techno handjob
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
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