Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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