Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
