FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
