he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
