Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
