To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
