Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
