Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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