She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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