i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
