no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
