Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
