even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
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His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
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He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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