Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
