thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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