I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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