i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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