He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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