you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
