Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
