4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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