my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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