I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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