our cab driver is having phone sex.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
