Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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