Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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