I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
