So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
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No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
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I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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