I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
