Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
