Duck Duck Cougar?
babies were throwing up all over the place
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Two words: nipple clamps
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