my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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