woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
