Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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