yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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