i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize