I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize