eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
