Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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