Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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