If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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