I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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