did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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