He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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