Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
