I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
