i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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