I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
