We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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