I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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