Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
