and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
