I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
