it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
