It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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