Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
