Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
