and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
