Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
