Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
