so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
