I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
