It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Bring me that man meat
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
