our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
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