i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
