he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
