The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
