Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
the night ended with taco bell and tears
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
