The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
