dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
