i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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