oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
