How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
